I know that youre hurt now. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. Sit with your husband and work out a budget as to how much should go to your husbands family and how much should be kept for your own. Therefore,practice assertiveness when it comes to communication. You can work on a budget accordingly and make a list of the activities you would want to do. Is this the man you want by your side for the rest of your life, if this is the path being laid out for you? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. This is a reality many married women face in India. zc Women annoying their husbands leads to hoors' curse. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. Happy Marriage is Just a Myth Watch on To get yourself heard, understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. But if theyre hurting you and making you feel disrespected, then yes this is a big deal indeed. 1. Resentment would create negativity in your relationship. He shouldnt take their side or favor their view simply because hes afraid of standing up to them. Confronting and forcing him to choose between you and his family should never be an option. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. Though my description of my issue could be detailed and long I kindly ask apology for it and my humble request is that please read out my discussion and give sense about it. 1. When you are marrying someone and promising to spend your life with them, it is a given that your spouse will be your first priority. Your best bet is to avoid having any conflict with your in-laws and try to have an honest conversation with your husband in a peaceful manner. Its a well-known fact that women mature faster than men. That way there is no misunderstanding and festering. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. 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His father too follow hanafi teaching. In any case, we advise you to be patient and repel the thoughts that tell you that your husband does not love you or that he is not happy with you and the like. Im fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise. In a case like this, you need to make it very clear to your husband that the two of you are a united team, and that you need to make decisions for yourselves, regardless of what his parents might think or want. Go the professional route. It is for this reason that the Prophet said: "Give gifts to one another and you will love one another." My husband chooses his family over me. Due to circumstances he began to earn at the age of 6. It shows honor and respect for your spouse. While attending my first family gathering wearing Hijab, I was eyed very curiously at first, but with time they have come to accept my choice. It does not store any personal data. My family was always in our married life, new every argument we had and everything my husband did to me or said. First, you have to talk to him before making a final decision that has an impact on both of you. Of course, your husband should help in this regard and he is Islamically required to have good relationships with his in-laws and this was the guidance of the Prophet with his in-laws. All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. The way to approach situations where his parents feel that it is okay to force their views and wishes upon you is to do so tactfully and respectfully. But, with a bit of teamwork and his willingness to change, anything is possible. Instead of resenting this, feel happy that your husband feels for his mother and wants to give her the best. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. We suggest that you learn to pick your battles. Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. Spend as much time with your own parents or visit cousins as much as he does. Whats the point of marriage when it becomes sex-less eventually anyways? But why do men choose their families over their wives in the first place? He still feels a strong connection with his parents and has a hard time figuring out whether or not youre more important than them. His conscience is killing him and he feels compelled to go back to his old habits. If a part of his income goes to his family, ensure a part of your income goes to your family too. Most of the time he is not realizing the pressures he is putting on his wife by having an entourage of relatives always at home. His daily routine changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically. You may want to try. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, 16 Ways To Prepare For A Breakup (Mentally, Emotionally, Practically). What ever his mother does and i talk to him about it she does brainwashing so as if i said that and it comes on me. He wants to keep the peace between everyone, 3. Thats impossible. [Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]. Bottling up everything inside will only cause you more stress, and taking out on your husband may cause anger in him. 1 Set your boundaries right at the inception. Theres no shame in getting help from a trained relationship counselor (either by yourself or with your partner) who can listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice to navigate your way through the issue. It could be that your in-laws and his siblings are always included in your family travel plans. Hence, the husband is ordained to have a good marital relationship with his wife in the same way the wife is ordained to have a good marital relationship with her husband. Or, give them two options for something, but make them options where you would be happy with either say, the feature wallpaper for your spare room. It means that youre willing to give and take to make things better. Other than that, So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. That is the reason you got married. Have your husbands family members ever disrespected you in front of him and/or your children without your husband saying anything in your defense? There will always be issues that need solving in marriage, but if you decide to go through them together as a couple, then your bond will only be stronger for it. Everything is going to be alright. They think of them as children and as such create an unhealthy mother-son relationship. This is a common problem women face in collectivistic cultures and especially in the sub-continent. In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. He always loves and supports his family but I'm nothing to himit seem to be I'm worthless . Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! 5 ways in which marriage turned out the opposite of what I imagined, 7 Tips For Men Who Are Stuck Between Wife And Mother In A Joint Family, 12 Ways to Deal With a Jealous Mother-In-Law. Dear Dr. Buckingham, I've been married for eleven years and have one 8-year-old child. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. That, above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out. Dont nag him or demand that he choose right away between his family and you. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. My brother-in-law masturbates because his wife is too tired for sex, Forced to marry my first cousin, but I loved another man. I am sorry you're going through this , "I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. He feels guilty for not spending enough time with his family. This is something that may require the two of you to go to therapy together. Speaking badly about his family or his character will only make the situation worse. It makes you feel worthless and like you have to compete with his family for his attention. Sit him down and make it very clear to him that this is absolutely not cool with you. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. All rights reserved. Even by those he loves. Marriage is a life-changing decision and must be taken . Feeling let down because your husband chooses his family and their feelings over you and yours. Work on the issue together as a team, but be sure to give him the latitude to realize he needs to shift his priorities. Realize he is their child first and he lived with them much longer than he lived with you. My husband chooses his family over me Monday, March 29th, 2021 00:00 | By. Ask for his perspective on things, so he doesnt feel like youre barraging him with a volley of issues about the people he loves, and allow for the possibility that there might be some situations in which theres misinterpretation. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Suddenly, youre not his top priority. Dont try to argue with him about why hes choosing his family over his wife. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Did you go for couple counselling? When their sons arent around them, they dont know what to do and they feel like they need them all day every day. Thats why your husband chooses his family over you because his connection with his family never evolved to the next level. If youre being disrespected by extended family members without any support from your husband, then youll have to stand up for yourself AND make it perfectly clear to your husband that you need him to stand by your side. Pray Namaz Allah Pak will do better for you And/Or your children without your husband chooses his family should never be an.... Across websites my husband chooses his family over me islam collect information to provide customized ads across websites and information... His attention dont try to argue with him sons arent around them, they dont what. Your children without your husband chooses his family but I loved another man about why choosing! You feel worthless and like you have to talk to him that this is that! To give her the best they need them all day every day husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise women face collectivistic. 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